“The nature of desire itself changes with time.” – “Innocent Monster” by Reed Farrel Coleman
This is going to be silly. It is of no consequence at all. Still, in retrospect, it was a hilarious experience. And a bit disturbing.
Many years ago, my dentist told me an electric toothbrush was essential to maintain healthy teeth and gums. Ok. Works for me.
Standing in the HBA section at the local Walmart, I peruse the vast assortment of electric toothbrushes. The selection is mucho. Circular and rectangular brush heads. Brand as well as Store names.
I go with the Braun circular rotating brushes. Plenty of torque, which is a must in the man bath. Got a wall charger and all the good stuff.
That was years ago. It has worked just fine. In fact, I love my Braun electric toothbrush. Always there. Always works. Good stuff.
Until the other day. It turned on me.
I was minding my own business. Not bothering anyone. Brushing my teeth as some weird thoughts bounced around in my skull. La La land.
After a minute of this, the brush became kind of slick with toothpaste and water. Of no concern to me as this has been happening more frequently as I grow older.
Suddenly it slipped from my grasp. Landed in the sink. It is not equipped with an automatic shut off. I sort of panicked as it bounced around the sink like a wounded snake, all the while slinging Colgate Total in a circular arc like a lawn sprinkler.
I grabbed the out of control demon with the intent to turn it off. However, it was slick and vibrating (get your minds out of the gutter – it’s an electric toothbrush) and I was having a hard time turning it off. Meanwhile it is now slinging toothpaste all over me, the mirror, and the walls.
I drop it. It hits the floor. It bounces, It moves. It quickly coats the floor with what was left of the toothpaste.
Now I’m dancing around in this small place, trying desperately to grab the thing and end the insanity of the moment.
While thus engaged, the towel wrapped around my waist comes off. Now I’m naked.
So picture a 72 year old naked man, dancing around a gnashing electric toothbrush while trying frantically to grab it.
And that’s not the worst of it. My wife, alarmed by the racket, opens the door to check on me.
Hours later she was still in bed, in a fetal position and making strange sounds.
“The whole affair seemed incomprehensible to many of them” ” – “This Is What I Want” by Craig Lancaster